Letters to William

Babee Boy,

I hope one day you will know with every cell of your being, how much I delight in you.  Sure, I’m your mom and moms are “supposed” to love their babies, but saying that I love you doesn’t capture every dimension of the way I feel for you.  Because you see, I don’t just love you, I genuinely ENJOY you. I have spent every day with you (today marks 225) since you were born and I literally can’t get enough.  There is no where else I would rather be than hanging out with you on any given day of the week and I thank God constantly that He has blessed me with the privilege of being your mama.

Each and every day, you make me laugh and smile from deep within my heart.  Yesterday, we were playing in the backyard and Liza started to run around you.  Your eyes sparkled as you watched her tear around.  While you can’t yet walk, you were stomping your feet and pulling my arms as if you wanted to chase her.  Without warning, you let loose a series of giggles that brought me to my knees!!  You do joy so well, bud…I’m learning a lot about that from you.

You amaze me with your intelligence (already!) and I love watching you learn new things. You have loved books since you were just a couple of months old.  You will sit in my lap and let me read story after story to you and I absolutely treasure that time.  You recently started turning the pages as we read and I get so tickled by it.  When you are officially “over it” your page turning speed increases exponentially, further proving your exceptional problem solving ability.  ;0)

You melt my heart with your hugs and snuggles.  You stretch your arms up for me and when I scoop you up, you have this way of burying your head in my neck that makes me tear up almost every time.  When I lean in for a kiss, you put your sweet hands on my cheeks and pull my face to yours.  Honestly, I could cry just thinking about it.

When I hear your chirps in the morning, I don’t get to your door before a smile has overtaken my entire face in anticipation of seeing you.  I get positively giddy when I hear your little laugh of relief, knowing that you are being rescued from your crib once again.  I soak up every minute I have with you during the day and I’m going to be honest…when I lay you in your crib at night, there is a little pang of sadness in my heart knowing that our day is over.

Reading this, you might think that I love and delight in you for all of the things you do to make me smile.  You would be right, but only partially.  For you see, today was a tough day for you.  The tooth that is coming in is giving you fits and had you feeling tired and cranky.  There weren’t many laughs today and the smiles were labored.  Our playtime was dotted with fussy spells and you just weren’t yourself.  Even still, I found myself flooded with gratitude that I got to spend the day with you.  I didn’t wish the clock would hurry up or that bedtime would come sooner.  Even in the midst of a cloudy day, I still wanted to be no where else but doing life with you.  That, my boy, is delight.  It isn’t dependent on your mood or what you have to offer me.  I delight in you because of who you are, not what you do.

Someday, I hope you’ll understand but until such time, just know that without fail, every day I thank God for giving me you and blessing me with the privilege of being your mama.
The smile that melts my heart.

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