Lovebug,<\/p>\n
You taught me something this week. Actually, to be fair, you and God worked together to teach me something and I\u2019m pretty sure the lesson was harder on me than it was on you.<\/p>\n
You and mama are thick as thieves. We spend the majority of every day together and much to my delight, have formed a bond that is rock solid. We know each other\u2026well. You are comfortable to show me every side of who you truly are because you trust that I will love you in all of it\u2026and you\u2019re right.<\/p>\n
Well, inevitably there are times when I have to run out and you are left in the hands of someone we love and trust, who adores you. This week I had a haircut and E was set to watch you, when you announced several days prior that you weren\u2019t interested. Your anxiety about me leaving appeared on Monday, when you brought it up, before I had even mentioned the haircut on Friday. Your introspection never ceases to amaze me and you had already been assuming that since it had been awhile since you had been left in the hands of a babysitter, it was probably coming to that time again. When I explained the plan, you erupted into tears. \u201cNo thank you Mama leave, no thank you E play with you.\u201d Heart. Broken.<\/p>\n
I did what I assumed I should do\u2026reassured you that it would be fun, that you would be fine, and that it wasn\u2019t going to happen for four more days. For the rest of the day, you double checked that it wasn\u2019t today and you continued to make your opinions known on what was to come. This happened again on Tuesday, then on Wednesday, and on Thursday. You were so sad that my heart wanted to cancel that appointment and just stay with you and love on you all day on Friday. Luckily, my head (and your daddy) said, \u201cNo.\u201d Sparing you this sadness would only perpetuate your separation anxiety and would not solve the problem. Still, it hurt. There is this part of the mama bear in me that wants to protect you from all hurts, keep you from being sad at all costs, and make every day of your life filled with nothing but joy. And yet, I know if I do that, I will ruin you. I will rob you of every opportunity for you to see God\u2019s faithfulness in our struggles and deceive you into believing that life is perfect. So we pressed on.<\/p>\n
I prayed in the days leading up, arriving at a \u201cPlease God\u201d crescendo on Thursday night. I wanted you to feel better about it in the morning and not have any anxiety about what was happening. As is often the case, God had other plans. My prayers were answered, but not in the way I requested.<\/p>\n
Friday morning brought anxiety and more pleading for me not to go. In your uncertainty, I saw so much of myself. Longing to be in control, fearing the unknown, desperately grasping for security. I realized then that if you turn out anything like me, this will not be the last time you fear and want to avoid an uncomfortable and uncontrollable situation. So I listened to the God voice in my heart that told me to teach you what I have learned when I feel the same way\u2026pray. Go to Him. Take all of your irrational fear, your mess, your anxiety and lay it at God\u2019s feet asking Him to help you through each moment and guide you through each step.<\/p>\n
I sat you on the edge of the bed and said, \u201cOh buddy\u2026I hate that you are so sad and scared about this. Do you know what Mama does when she is scared and sad about something? I talk to God. I tell Him exactly how I am feeling and ask Him to make me feel brave and strong. I ask Him to give me everything I need to make it through what I am dreading. And you know what? God listens and God helps us.\u201d We prayed together with your little two year old legs dangling and tears filling your eyes and we ventured out to greet E. Your tears continued and you clung to me, but I showed you that I trusted God enough to answer our prayer by giving you a big hug, telling you I loved you BIG MUCH, and walking out the door. Ouch.<\/p>\n
I prayed for you as I left. In the grand scheme of life, this is such a small, small problem, but I knew it didn\u2019t feel small for you. I know those feelings so well and really wanted to just make them go away for you, but I knew I couldn\u2019t. This was just the beginning of God\u2019s work with you\u2014just has He has shown me, He will use every fear, every anxiety, every bit of trepidation to show that He is faithful in our trials, that He can be trusted, and that even when you feel alone, you are NOT. Not EVER.<\/p>\n
My haircut took longer than it was supposed to, but when I walked back into the house I heard the soundtrack of a happy boy. Your feet slapped the floor as you raced around the corner and proudly proclaimed, \u201cMama!! I was brave and I was STRONG!\u201d showing me your muscles. Triumph. Some might say that the victory was that you were able to be happy with the babysitter while I was away. Sure. But for me, the victory was so much greater. It was one tiny example, set in your brain and rooted in your heart that when we are scared, we go to God. That doesn\u2019t mean that He takes the scary away, but that He is faithful to give us everything we need to walk through it and that we never have to take a step without Him by our side.<\/p>\n
As I soaked in the BIG hug you gave me, I asked God to forgive me for almost robbing you of such a HUGE lesson. I asked Him to keep me from getting in the way as He molds you and shapes you into the man He has called you to be, because one thing I know for sure…He has BIG plans for you, little one.<\/p>\n
I love you, buddy. BIG much.<\/p>\n
Mama<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lovebug, You taught me something this week. Actually, to be fair, you and God worked together to teach me something and I\u2019m pretty sure the lesson was harder on me than it was on you. You and mama are thick as thieves. We spend the majority of every day together and much to my delight, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,14,2],"tags":[9,17,11,8],"class_list":["post-202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-letters-to-william","category-parenting","category-william","tag-faith","tag-letters-to-william","tag-motherhood","tag-william-2"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=202"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":203,"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions\/203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notsoshortterm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}