So thanks to a dear friend, I have started a little project for W. She recently learned of someone who keeps a Bible for her child, writing in it, underlining in it, and journaling little notes to her boy and her plan is to give it to him when he graduates from high school. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and naturally, I had to steal the idea.
I hemmed and hawed over what kind of Bible to get for William, but ultimately decided to get him the current version of the Bible I use in my study. That way if there were notes at the bottom that I wanted to reference, I could be sure he had the same. I also thought it might be neat for him to see the Bible that his mama used for her study for most of her adult life.
Well, I ordered the Bible and had his name inscribed on the front. A friend of mine picked it up and brought it over to my house last night and I was absolutely giddy about it. Since the idea was first planted in my mind, I have been so eager to get started. After she left, I removed the Bible from its box and could not have predicted my reaction.
I wept.
Seeing his name on the front of a Bible that has been so incredibly dear to me was enough to do me in. I sat with it on my lap and was overcome with a tidal wave of emotion. As I cradled this Bible that had yet to be open, I glanced over to the dog-eared, battered, well-worn and well-loved Bible of my own. Looking at my faithful friend, I was reminded of all of the times I was so broken and hurting that I couldn’t even open the cover, but was comforted by just clutching it to my chest. I thought about all that God has taught me through the gift of His Word and how those pages are like life to me. I thought about how I have been changed, one word at a time and how incredibly grateful I am. I thought about the struggles…the victories…the battles fought…the lessons learned. Moments of joy, of fear, of sadness, of anger, and of immense gratitude flooded my mind. With all of those memories churning in my head and my heart, I was suddenly overcome with a burning desire for my sweet boy…that He would know the depth of God’s consuming love for him and that his faith would blow mine out of the water.
I wept and I prayed and I couldn’t thank God enough for loving my sweet little man more than I ever could. I praised Him for being so faithful to me and for giving me the unbelievable opportunity to tell my boy all about it. I prayed with the desperation only a mother could muster that I wouldn’t blow it. That He would fill in all of my holes, provide everything that I lack, and repair every word that I speak that comes out wrong about who He is and what He has done. I prayed that my boy would find fulfillment in his Father and that the Bible laying in my lap would be treasured by him throughout his life…not because it was from me, but because it was from Him.
I prayed. I wept and I prayed and I sat for the longest time thinking about the journey that is ahead for my sweet boy. When I composed myself enough to not soak the pages with my tears, I cracked the cover and made my first entry. I turned to Ephesians 1:18 and underlined the verse I have been praying for him every day since he was 6 months old.
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”
His adventure is just beginning.
As terrifying as it can be to think of all of the hurts likely ahead that I want him to avoid, I also couldn’t be more excited for him. His adventure is just beginning and he belongs to God. God will watch over him every moment of his life, guiding and growing him, just as He has for me and I couldn’t be more thankful. With a profound sense of relief and overwhelming peace, I closed the Bible and put it on my nightstand, thanking God for such an incredible gift.
